I was waiting in the waiting room at the Cancer Treatment Center this morning with my husband. He usually gets a treatment once every 6 weeks and today was the day. I was sitting across from beautiful tulips in a vase that made me smile in the midst of a trying morning.
I was also reading Chapter 7 of Ann’s book one thousand gifts, for which I am also thankful. Tears were welling up in my eyes as she described the transformation of perspective that happened as she persisted with her son when he begrudgingly made his brother toast at her insistence. Anger was welling up inside her to see the lack of love between her two sons, but she had determined to see God in all things so she persisted in her contemplation before she chided her son. Ann writes,
How did Jesus do it again? He turned His eyes. “And looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave…(Matthew 14:19 NIM)….I take a deep breath, say nothing to them, but I look up to heaven and I speak it to Him here…I haven’t done this before and it feels strange but I give thanks aloud, in a whisper: “Father, thank You for these two sons. Thank you for here and now. Thank You that You don’t leave us in our mess….Thank you for toast….”
By thanking God, her heart softens and opens and she is able to stay with the shrugged shoulder, the non-meeting of the eyes, the hard words until the real problem surfaces. Read chapter 8. It will cause. you. to. pause. My pause took me back over 30 years of child-rearing and a sadness that I did not know then what Ann knows now. But as my dear blog friend Craig (www.deepintolove.com) says to me, “Introspection is fine–but not suffering because we know we are His.” Yes, it is all forgiven, but now that I know about gratitude, I must live it NOW. It’s the Year of Now for me and being thankful in the now is what I have resolved to do.
# 54 tulips in a vase before my husband’s cancer treatment
# 55 that my husband’s phlebotomies went quickly and easily as he is needlephobic
# 56 for Erin, our kind nurse
# 57 for supportive coworkers at my work that make heavy loads bearable
# 58 for a warm home with south-facing windows that let all the light in
# 59 for healed herniated discs after almost 2 years of suffering
# 60 for blog friends who teach me so much