The world is BIG! What will I do if I don’t do nursing? How will I serve the Lord? I think I would like to work in a situation where I am alone. I need rest from people pleasing. Let me work with yarn, plaster paris, electronics parts, animals (ah, yes, animals would be good), money, software or burgers and fries at the grill. So I’m zipping through all the hundreds of jobs on job sites. I quickly realize that I can’t lift 50 pounds, operate heavy equipment or drill down to the center of the earth so that eliminates about 25% of everything in this town because we’re gas industy driven. However, the men who do these jobs must eat, do their laundry and purchase items for daily living. I can be a part of that. And so on goes the mind in the dark–at night.
Nights are long when your spirit is spent, and every once in awhile there is the feeling of panic. I get up, go to scripturetyper.com and put in Colossians 2:1-2
I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for all those at Laodicea and for all who have not met me personally. My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ.
The typing and focus it takes to recreate these memorized verses bring calm and I am able to sleep again. In the morning it is hard to rise because of broken sleep, but I do. At breakfast I am refreshed with prayer from The Valley of Vision
My God, Thou hast helped me to see,
that whatever good be in honor and rejoicing,
how good is He that gives them and He who withdraws them;
That blessing does not lie so much
in receiving from and in Thee, but
in holding forth Thy glory and virtue;
that it is an amazing thing
to see Deity in a creature, speaking, acting, filling, shining through it;
that nothing is good but Thee
that I am near good when I am near Thee,
that to be like Thee is a glorious thing:
This is my magnet, my attraction.
Thou art all my good in times of peace;
not only support in days of trouble,
my one sufficiency when life shall end.
Help me to see how good Thy will is in all,
and even when it crosses mine
teach me to be pleased with it.
Grant me to feel Thee in fire, and food and every providence,
and to see that Thy many gifts and creatures
are but Thy hands and fingers taking hold of me.
Thou bottomless fountain of all good,
I give myself to Thee out of love,
for all I have or own is Thine,
my goods, family, church, self,
to do with as Thou wilt,
to honour Thyself by me, and by all mine.
If it be consistent with Thy eternal counsels, the purpose of Thy grace,
and the great ends of Thy glory,
then bestow upon me blessings of they comforts;
If not, let me resign myself to Thy wiser determinations.
This is a prayer that all God’s gifts are good even if they do not seem good at the time. It is a wonderful prayer to center me at the beginning of today. Today I go help at the free medical clinic in town. I need to get my eyes off me. I then have lunch with my sister, the pit bull, and then go to the library to pick up a book that Cora and A recommended to Craig. I think it will be good for me, too.
God is good, all the time,