I Count Hard Thank You’s Lest I Miscount

Today I am going to name all the things that are crushing me, beating me, disrespecting me and telling lies about me. Ann says if I don’t give thanks for ALL things, I am miscounting. I have not listed these hard, distasteful, uncomfortable things and, therefore, I am guilty of miscounting. Today I even the score.

I am thankful

#516 for patients who complain that nurses do not take care of them. Once groups of reasons can be collected, compiled and analyzed, hospital administrators will know how to care for patients from the patient perspective. This should more surely predict good patient satisfaction scores and, therefore, assure reimbursement for services rendered.

#517 for a manager who relieved me of my services before anything worse happened to me at the end of my career. I was unable to accept the danger I was in on my own cognizance and she provided the needed shove to safety.

#518 for people who have not disappointed me since I have left work. I didn’t think they’d care and they don’t.  This experience has taught me what is most important in my life. I owe these people a debt of gratitude.

#519 for a real-life experience of the Milgram Experiment and the realization that I could administer shocks if told to do so, such knowledge is quite sobering.

#520 for the realization that my profession’s boundaries are defined by lawyers, judges, and politicians, not health care practitioners. I truly believed and taught others to believe we had an ethical foundation.

#521 that leaders in my profession are able to continue with so little to go on.

#522 that I do not know who thinks I did what I was accused of and who doesn’t. That way I treat everyone neutrally. It keeps me quietly cautious.

#523 that I had to go back to the “dreaded” hospital and get a few things. Picking up my nursing license I was told how wonderful I had been with the secretary’s daughter when she had her baby. She was looking forward to seeing me again in April. I didn’t tell her I wouldn’t be there.

#524 that health insurance is so expensive that my husband and I have been forced to find new ways to care for ourselves and no longer feel like slaves to a particular system. Investigation of the system is VERY en”light”ening. Caring for ourselves is no longer a burden.

#525 that losing my job meant finding myself and my family again. You miss a lot working EVERY weekend as I did. As a friend put it today in an e-mail “enjoy the days of freedom this nightmare has offered for you and Russ.” Now THAT is making lemonade out of lemons. This picture was taken Saturday. I NEVER saw my family on Saturday when I was working.

#526 that my mother can not remember things so she is not aware of what is happening and her husband agrees not to tell her.

#527 that my income is halved which forces me to cook more, drive less and be creative. We’ve settled into a sustainable rhythm over the past 6 weeks and we LOVE it. I wanted off the old merry-go-round, but couldn’t seem to manage it. Now I’m off and I wonder why I stayed so long.

#528 that I’ve been cut off from work circles. It has forced me to connect with new communities that I never would have ventured into in my “old” life.

#529 that God is not done with me yet. He still has something for me to do, but I’m not ready to do it yet. I am “in school” right now, learning to walk all over again.

All is grace at Ann’s,



13 comments on “I Count Hard Thank You’s Lest I Miscount

  1. This is wonderful, Dawn! You are learning blessed lessons I have learned, and still am learning. The places we find joy and fulfillment are sometimes SO surprising. In the hard places we find the deepest grace, the strongest connect to the Best, and often even find the conditions of our earthly lives so much better in many ways than they ever were before. May these blossoms of blessing just keep opening out into richer and richer bloom!

  2. 519. Wow…. Me too… The mind runs rampant to the possibilities for us “good”employees… Loyalty is a strange ingredient. 520. Can hardly breathe thinking of it. 527. And the others…amen. Amen and amen. God has reached into the fire and saved us. He has surrounded us with people who love him, to keep us balanced. He has shown us balance. Thank you Dawn, for teaching me to be thankful in all…ALL things.

  3. that you are in school again learning to walk all over again… I praise God that like Sihle you look like you are actually learning how to run and march and do a little skip. In all these things I see a thread of joy. Your family photo says it all. Each gratitiude laced with grace… that is healing in itself. Hugs to Russ who must be very pleased to have you at His side…
    By the way I love the photo of Abby you shared with me… she stays pramed on my profile and in my prayers of gratitude.
    ~Sihle… learning to walk all over again with each new splint…

  4. Dear Carrie,

    I should have quit at the time of my last evaluation. That was last summer. I got a 69% because I was not a team player. I kept asking for policies (yet I worked without them – shock), kept asking for ratios that would approximate DOH guidelines and professional organization standards (but I worked with ratios sometimes many times over what they should have been – shock). Each time I went against the boundaries of the profession because I was told to do so by someone in authority I was shocking my patients. This realization sobers me. The public trusts me and I betrayed them. The worst part is that I never voluntarily quit. It was only when the authorities told me to go that I went. That is a hard pill to swallow.

    Reading I Chronicles 20 this morning about how the enemy was on every side and Jehoshophat called for fasting and praising to begin at the temple in Jerusalem, I was reminded of the importance of thanksgiving. When the people started to praise their enemies got confused and fought each other. There is real power in praise and thanksgiving. I was really brought low compiling this list, but that is a good thing. For when I am weak, then I am strong II Corinthians 12:10.

    Blessed are the poor in Spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven Matthew 5:3

    I’m still working all this out, Carrie, but thanks for stopping by. It’s good to hear from someone who has followed the details of my conundrum of being told to administer shocks in the name of health care reform. I still have many questions.

    I hope you and your family are healing from the tough winter you have just gone through. It seems like it’s time for the Son to shine, doesn’t it?
    Much love,

  5. Wonderful list, Dawn. I haven’t been able to stop by as much lately (not even my own blog). God has me elsewhere (besides the world-wide-web) for this season of my life. Nevertheless, your name is written in my prayer journal; so you are not far from my heart as I pray for you each time I see your name.

    Keep swimming,

  6. I am in your prayer journal? No wonder I am doing so well. Thanks for your love and care. They are priceless, Dear One. Wherever this season takes you, I know you will brighten that world.

    Take care,

  7. I’m just thinking “WOW!” also. Dawn, it is the songs sung in the darkest nights that are the sweetest, and yours is definitely that today. Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of what God wants most in our lives. We see our careers are so important, and we do them well, with the desire to please God and those in authority above us. We do all the right things, treat people right, go the extra mile, etc. Yet, in the end of it all, it is our hearts and our relationship with the Lord that is all important, and it is this that God works in and through what happens. He has made you more sensitive and tender, you’ve learned a little more about that cross-centered life, and you are listening to Him. It’s amazing what you can learn in the silence of a dark night!!!!

  8. I am really stilled by this, Dawn. Thank you. I’ve read Ann’s book . . .but I have trouble counting the hard things. You have given me the inspiration to look at them again and see Him there too. God bless you as He covers you today and makes a way.
    love and prayers!

  9. Dear Dawn . . . as I read through your list I was thinking how difficult it must be to revisit each of these tough situations, never mind having lived through them the first time. This scripture is what comes to mind as I read your words . . . Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ (Phil 3:8) He is truly not done with you and He specializes in beauty from ashes.
    So happy you get more time with your kids and grandkids.

  10. What a beautiful list you wrote! I am sorry to learn of your career misfortunes, but you are clearly moving onward and upward. It’s wonderful how you’re slogging through in search of blessings. Your search is an inspiration for this nursing student. PS>Thank you for your sweet comments on my list.

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