At the end of one’s rope the tendency is to look up. There is nothing on earth that is helping so perhaps there is something outside of earth that can help?!
Today I read two separate Scriptures that seemed to speak to me in the same way. The first is from Isaiah 28: 26 – 29 (New Living Translation)
26 The farmer knows just what to do,
for God has given him understanding.
27 A heavy sledge is never used to thresh black cumin;
rather, it is beaten with a light stick.
A threshing wheel is never rolled on cumin;
instead, it is beaten lightly with a flail.
28 Grain for bread is easily crushed,
so he doesn’t keep on pounding it.
He threshes it under the wheels of a cart,
but he doesn’t pulverize it.
29 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is a wonderful teacher,
and he gives the farmer great wisdom.
The second Scripture was from Psalm 81:11 – 14 (New Living Translation)
11 “But no, Dawn wouldn’t listen.
Dawn did not want me around.
12 So I let Dawn follow her own stubborn desires,
living according to her own ideas.
13 Oh, that Dawn would listen to me!
Oh, that Dawn would follow me, walking in my paths!
14 How quickly I would then subdue her enemies!
How soon my hands would be upon her foes!
For over a year I tried to make my job at the hospital work because I knew I had to work full-time so I could have health insurance because my husband has cancer and I have periodic issues necessitating medical care. I was participating in poor care-giving, unethical delivery of care and non-professional staffing standards, but I KNEW I had to do this. God wanted me to take care of things in my family, didn’t He? NO!
I had forgotten who the Source for my daily needs is. I did not listen to the Lord when He told me to get out. I did not listen when He said He would take care of me and my husband. I did not listen. I could hear Him, but I did not listen. For the better part of a year, He never stopped trying to nudge me out. One day He spoke through those He had placed in a position of power over me. When they told me to leave, it was permanent and it was not pretty. I pray I have learned. I pray that I am listening now. He had to break me, strip me of all I thought was needed, so that I could see that all I really need is Him.
When I came across the reading in Isaiah this morning I immediately identified with the cumin. God in His mercy pressed me with a light stick. I was not up for being rolled over with a heavy stone or pulverized under the wheel of a cart. The culinary instructions for cumin crushing state that one must press lightly with the pestle and then separate the chaff with a swirling motion. This is how God “crushed” me: lightly. I did not have to fight for unemployment benefits. I had my Human Resources file corrected and was given a copy of the rectification. I was terminated one day after I would not have been able to have my retirement funds matched for the past year. In the beginning months of unemployment when the shock was the hardest to bear, I had the support of many colleagues across the spectrum of my career. Yes, He used a light stick. I know that. (I read Dark Night of the Soul by St John of the Cross during this time so I recognized it, thank you A and Cora for the suggestion.)
In addition, He provided someone of rich spiritual depth to partner with me in the healing process and in the rebuilding of my career. I am like a young tomato plant who needs a stick to lean against till I get strength. Cherie is my stick.
Walking with Ann and really beginning to see,